Monday, September 13, 2010

Who Is Melvyn Windham?

Introductions are in order.  New blog and all that, you know.

First off, yes - my name is Melvyn.  And yes, it's spelled with a "Y".  Why, you may ask?  Simple.  The name Melvin has so many jokes associated with it, so if anyone makes fun of my name, I just say, "Oh that's not my name.  I spell it with a 'Y'."  However, that argument never seems to work.  People still make fun of my name.

There's: Messy Marvin, Melvin the nerd, and my favorite one as demonstrated by this awesome video.

And wouldn't you know it?  I've grown into the Melvin stereotype so much that it's not even funny.  Ask my friends.  Look at those pictures I posted yesterday.  Yes, I know I look better than Orson Scott Card, but I'm still a nerd.  I know all the computer code; I've played the computer games (8-bit is awesome!); I can do everyone's homework; I can add 1+1 in my head.

If only getting published were part of the Melvin stereotype!

Then again, it doesn't matter, because I'm really a Melvyn.  That's with a "Y".

Last name: Windham, like in Windham Hill or Wyndham Hotel, but not with a "Y".  (Now I see why I can't get published!  My name is so confusing!)  My Korean friends used to call me "Blow-pig".  Put my first name with it and you get: "Nerd-blow-pig".

But I digest.

Let's see what Google says about me.  First off, let me point out that I know of only two "Melvyn Windham"s in the universe, and I'm one of them.  So when I search for my name, I know it's me.  Unlike John Smith, who when he searches for his name, he's going to find himself on page 214 somewhere if he's lucky.  If John Smith wants to publish books, he better get him a pseudonym!

Okay, I type "Melvyn Windham" in Google, and this is what comes up.  (Wow - Google has that new "search while you type" feature turned on!)

#1) Classmates entry.  Yeah - I signed up with those guys.  I hardly use that site anymore.  They make you pay for the right to read messages from friends, and that's just not right.

#2) Facebook entry - You can check it out if you want.  All you'll see is my face, but at least you know it's me.  I'm the only Melvyn Windham on Facebook.  If you want to be my friend, just tell me you're an aspiring writer like me and I'll add you.  We can suffer together.  If you're an editor or a reputable agent, I'll add you yesterday.  I signed up for Facebook a year ago as my first attempt at networking.  I connected with most of my friends, but no professional connections yet.  Supposedly, you can separate your Facebook friends into "Friends" and "Professional" and you can post "Friend" posts and "Professional" posts, but I haven't figured that out yet.  I have no idea how to use Facebook professionally.

#3) "A Trip Down Memory Lane" - hey this is a link to one of my stories!  It's the 2009 Actuarial Speculative Fiction Collection.  But don't get too excited.  Anyone who's an actuary can submit speculative fiction in this biannual contest.  My story is "A Turn-screw tlhImqaH", which combines "A Clockwork Orange" and Klingon.  It didn't win anything.

#4) A link to my day job.  I'm an actuary (if you didn't get that from #3).  It's a fun job that pays the bills.  They pay me to play with numbers all day long.  You should see what the current economy does with my numbers!

#5 & #6) Amazon customer review.  This was from the other "Melvyn Windham" in the universe.  He was my dad.  He was also an aspiring writer.  He was my inspiration.  He writes good reviews.  He never got published.  Now I'm depressed.

#7) Last Names ... something ... something...  Finally something that's not me.

#8) Actuarial Review: I solved a chess puzzle in 2007 and now I'm immortalized in this actuarial publication.

#9) US Puzzle Championship: every now and then, I try these puzzles.  I only scored 65 points in 2010 and placed 179th out of 304.  <groan>  You ought to give it a try.

#10) Replenishment Grant Recipient: oh yes, I went to BYU and I finally got someone to give me a scholarship!  Boo-yah!

2nd page: Now I'm starting to see entries that say "Melvin".  Now I'm mad.  I'm searching for something else!

How about my internet persona, Mel-o-rama?  I've used that name since 1999.  It's a name I gave myself during my Quake days.  I had lots of fun names like: "Mel-o-death" and "Death-o-rama", but no name spread fear like "Mel-o-rama".  I think it means something like "he who sits in a corner and shoots rockets".

To search for Mel-o-rama, you have to put it in quotes on Google.  Here's what comes up:

1st page contains:
First entry: Mel's Webpage.  It's my official webpage!!  (I wonder if it shows up first for me because Google knows who I am through these cookies it puts on my machine.  If you search for Mel-o-rama, you'll have to tell me what comes up first!)

Actuarial Outpost - Would you guess that I have 8000 posts to my name?  I've engaged in many an exciting discussion, but they don't like me anymore.  For some reason, they don't like "exciting discussions."

YouTube Videos - I have 75 uploads - mainly music videos.  Google shows "Where'er You Walk" and "Chopin Prelude op. 28 no. 4".  Both videos are classics.  I get about 150 views a day.  Man, if I could sell that many books that fast, I'd be rich!

Jukebox Alive - some music I composed and uploaded, including my Master's Thesis composition.  Whooooo!

2nd page contains: a sudoku post, my geocaching profile, my National Novel Writing Month profile.

Okay - I have a little internet presence (if you happen to be looking for "Melvyn Windham" or "Mel-o-rama").  Still not enough to get published, though.

Well, I think that just about does it for introductions.  Homework: try Googling your own name and see what comes up.  Do you like what you see?  Keep in mind that when you're trying to get published, people will Google you - at least that's what the editor said in a seminar I went to a couple of days ago.

Nice to meet you!
Mel (that's short for Melvyn)

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